It's been A While

It's been quite a while since I last wrote on here, to be honest, I forgot I even had a blog, until I saw it on my Facebook.
A lot has happened since November of 2008. First, in December, I fell once again and just kept on doing the things that were not God pleasing. I went out, got drunk, did things I shouldn't have done. At the end of February I was laid off from my drafting job at Hemmler + Camayd Architects. I have been working at Home Depot part time. I am very unsatisfied with life. I pray everyday that God would make my heart content at where He has me in life. I know this is where He wants me, but why?
In April, April 12 to be exact, Andrew took his life. This was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. The viewing and funeral were harder to go through than my own Grandparents. I have written about him in previous entries. The picture of him and I at graduaion is a few entries below this one. From the previous entries, you can tell that I will never get over how I felt about him. This is why that was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Since then, a lot of things have just spun out of control.
About a month after that I began talking to a co-worker named Jason. He is an unbeliever, has very mixed up views and well is just all around messed up. We only dated for about a week. I made some mistakes. The day I broke up with him I talked to this guy who I had met the weekend before, when I was stil with Jason, at the bar. He asked me out to dinner, and it all started there. He like Jason is an unbliever. We dated for about a month. The last few weeks of our relationship were the worst. I had finally told my parents about him. They had threatened to kick me out of the house. Forcing me to choose between him or my parents. Then something clicked inside. I asked myself, why should I have to choose, number one, and why would I even think about compromising my family relationships for a guy. Not worth it, so I ended that. I had to tie up a few loose strings attached to that relationship. Finally, he was gone out of my life.
So, right now, here I sit. trying to straighten my life up. Trying to gather the scattered pieces that remain of my shambled life. I ask myself, what did I do to deserve this? Then I go through the past few months and its quickly answered for me. The past few weekends, I fell once again. Why do I keep falling, I need to just learn to say "no". So pray for me. Pray I can learn to say "no". Finally, pray that I can form a schedule and set aside specific time to be in God's Word, each and everyday. If you have any recommendation of where I should begin please let me know.